Anxiety...

Just got out of bed to write this. I was giving myself an anxiety attack thinking about the prospect of my being pregnant...again. Ah! I know it would all be fine, and eventually I would wonder how life ever was without the new little guy, but I am freaking out a bit. Heart racing, mind racing. Am feeling that the whole timing method of b/c is more risk than I want to take right now. My babies are still little, and I don't want to have to think of them as anything other than babies right now. I am now dreading their birthday's, although I am trying to suppress the dread and just enjoy the ride. I just can't believe my baby is going to be 3, and my babies are going to be 1! It goes too fast, as cliched as that sounds. I can't stand it. Levi and Micah are both opening and shutting their hands now, to sort of wave hi, and to try and sign other words I sign to them, like "more" and "all done". It's so cute. Levi was so clingy today! He just wouldn't let me put him down after his afternoon nap. I am not sure what was up with him.
We went to Aaron and Ashley's today and got to see James for a little bit. He is getting so big! The babies can just tear right up their stairs, and I had to block the staircase the whole time we were there! They are so quick! I think they may hold off on walking for a bit, for the pure reason that they are so great at crawling! They are pretty satisfied with their mobility at this point, but we will see! The longer they can't walk, the longer I can think of them more as babies, so the longer they take the better! If I had to guess, I think Micah might walk first, but I think Levi will be very close behind him. I say this because I have seen Micah let go to sit down, and hold himself standing for a second, and I haven't seen Levi do it.
Noah continues to amaze me with the things he remembers, and the things he says! He remember everything! It makes me realize how much like a sponge he is, and it scares me to think that when I make mistakes with him, or lose my temper with him, that he remembers, and I could damage him. I am praying for patience and wisdom with my children. And I pray for them to give their hearts to Jesus.