Today Noah has two doctor appointments.  He is seeing a cardiologist, and will get an electrocardiogram, which is a sonogram of his heart.  He will also be seeing a neurologist, who would potentially be overseeing his use of steroids if we decide to use them.

The fact the we need to see these two doctors today is still mostly unbelievable, and confirms further the reality that his DMD diagnosis is real, and that our boys heart needs to be monitored at such a young age, as well as nearly every other system in his body.  Very soon he will also need to see a doctor in pulmonology, who will monitor his lung function.

My own heart breaks a little more on days like today, and yet at the same time I know how blessed we are to be able to give him the best care available.  This disease has a rate of about 1 out of 3500 throughout the world, and my heart breaks for the many boys out there who suffer without any care at all, or poor care.  There is much to be thankful for.

It's been a month now, and while the shock has worn off a little, I still find myself crying quite easily.  The world now holds different meaning than it did a few weeks ago.  Scripture, songs and sermons are now seen in a different light.  The thing is, I know with all my heart, that the light I'm seeing is now clearer than it was before.  Life has been distilled down to what means the most.  I am able to focus my eyes on eternity so much easier, and I know that is exactly why God allows these things to occur in the lives of believers.  Our suffering isn't worthless, it isn't meaningless, it is so very valuable.  Priceless even.  I know we have so much to learn, and a hard road ahead of us, but I refuse to prevent God from using this for his purposes, which I know are good.

The depth of our despair is deep, but God's love is so much deeper, and He is revealing himself to us everyday.  I am in constant amazement at the conversations I am having with Noah and our other kids now everyday.  The places I am easily finding to speak to them about eternity, and the ONE thing that truly matters in life, is astounding!  I am finally seeing and understanding what God means when he says to speak to your children about Him when you rise up, when you lie down, when you walk by the road, and now it is easy!  That alone is enough of a blessing from this situation.  Our kids will know that the things the world thinks are important, are not.  Beauty, athleticism, intelligence, wealth, worldly success matter not.  We are now desperate to convey that to them, as all parents should be.  But now we are forced to teach our kids that accepting Christ and furthering His kingdom is ALL that matters, and for this my heart is a so glad.  We will not sit on the fence, we will not be lukewarm, and if this is what was needed to ensure our children and our family will all be together for eternity, I happily accept it.

I almost feel ridiculous writing here after so much time has passed and so much has happened, but I'm just going to anyway!

We have a daughter!  Eliza Jubilee Swavely was born December 3, 2012.  I will write her birth story soon and post it.  In the meantime, before I forget a few things:

Birth: 7lbs 5oz
1 week: 8 lbs even
2 weeks: 8lbs 10 oz
3 weeks: 9lbs 2 oz
4 weeks: 9lbs 11oz
5 weeks: 9lbs 15oz
6 weeks: 10lbs 6oz

Our girl is a growing machine...3 pounds in 6 weeks!

Thankful

Thankful to be 11 weeks pregnant and still nauseous. Thankful to hear our baby's heartbeat beating away inside my belly. Thankful for healthy, vibrant, funny children. Thankful for a husband who loves and takes care of us. Thankful for life today. Thank you, Jesus!

The baby business...

We are back in the baby making business! It took 42 days from the miscarriage to get my fertility back! It just bothered me knowing I couldn't get pregnant, but now my cycle is back to normal. Of course now of I get pregnant this month we'd be expecting another November baby, but that's fine by me! :) Our kids are destined to share birthdays with each other I think.

We painted part of the kitchen a light teal color this weekend, inspiration courtesy of Pinterest! Just trying to decide now whether or not to paint the cabinets white! I want to but there are just so many!

Up in the wee hours with Micah barfing. He's sleeping now! Pray the other boys don't get sick too! :/

Caleb is learning so much lately! He now puckers his little lips, leans in for a kiss and makes a smacking noise with his mouth! It is heart-melting! He does it if he hears the word kiss! :) He has also sprouted four, almost five teeth since his birthday! All four molars at once poor baby! The teething necklace is a miracle worker though. He is usually fuss free through it all! He is a rough and tumble baby while at the same time so squishy and sweet still!

He is still nursing at nearly fourteen months and I have no plans to wean him. He tugs on my shirt when he wants milk, and he knows the word milk when it is spoken. He still sometimes wakes at night and nurses for a minute, but other nights he sleeps all night long! I am happy to say he has never been left to cry it out in order to get him to sleep thru the night. This is a big deal to me after what we did with the other kids. I was determined not to do CIO thus time around and I am happy to see that a baby will sleep for long stretches on their own eventually without CIO, and it won't be at five years old! :)

Micah and Levi are talking up a storm, and can express most everything they want to say or are feeling. I love how they say things right now...pronouncing "L" as "W" for one thing. "Mommy, I wight here. I not Wevi, I Micah." They both also say "I be hungry, sick, tired" etc. So cute! I don't always correct them either because it is too cute and I know they will grow out of it on their own anyway! :) I am having a hard time believing they will be three in less than three months! They are my toddlers!!!! Yet, they are almost preschoolers!

Noah is at the most darling age! It really is the best! I just eat up all the random, "I love you so much mommy, you're the best mommy in the whole world." He is just so sweet and thoughtful, and usually very obedient and understanding of feelings. His depth of understanding was fully revealed to me after I told him about the miscarriage. I was careful to not say the baby died, I just said it stopped growing, and that it was still very small. The next day out of the blue he said, "Mommy, I love you. I'm just sorry that baby died." I was blown away how perfectly he understood even when I tried to sugar coat it. My little boy is growing up, and I am holding on to these moments and cherishing them while they last!

On another note, the kids have seriously been sick for 2 months now! Can't wait for the sick season to end! Every time we go to church they are sick again! :(

Miscarry

Finding out I am pregnant leaves me bursting with joy and excitement. Uncontainable joy that I don't try to contain. So, I tell early because I want to share my joy with the world! While I understand why people choose to wait to share such blessed news, I just can't do it! I've had people question the wisdom of this decision, asking what would I then do if something "happened". I've gotten the shocked question...Have you even heard the heartbeat yet?!!! Alas, I have always thrown "caution" to wind.   My view has always been that if I miscarried my baby I would want the love and support of my friends and family to see me through that tough time. A miscarriage is a baby lost whether anybody else knows about it or not, and I just didn't feel like it would be something I would want to go alone.

We lost our baby on Christmas Day at eight weeks, and as hard as it has been, I am not sorry that I shared.  The joy that we felt before was just as real as the loss that we feel now, and I am grateful for the acknowledgement of that fact.

I am left humbled by the miracle that each precious life is.  I am reminded that few things in life are guaranteed.  A baby in my arms next August was no more guaranteed than are long lives for the rest of our children, or even my next breath, and I don't ever want to take that for granted.  God tells us that our lives are like vapor, here one second and gone the next.  The only way to make that vapor count is to be living for Him everyday, throwing caution to the wind on a daily basis.  In moments such as these the reality of this hits home.  It is good to be reminded, and to be motivated to make life count in the way God meant it to. 

God is good.  God is faithful.  His love endures.  He binds up the brokenhearted.  He makes our yoke easy and light.  Thank you Jesus for all of our blessings.  I am so very glad to know you.